STUPID

zzzzz

no words can describe how i'm feeling now.. i'm tired, depressed, sad, pissed, and feeling inferior... as always...

i didnt sleep last night cause i was rushing for history presentation.. we did ok, but we have to start from scratch again because our rendition of the question wasnt what dr kan wanted.. fine.. doesnt matter..

went for snyo rehearsal.. i was so pissed after we ran through beethoven 7th.. i could hardly play a note and everybody else was playing as though they practiced for weeks before.. i feel pathetic.. yes, they played it before, but its pathetic when your first desk and everybody is able to play but you.. it sucks to the core.. i hate it when these kinds of things happen..

andris got offered a place in the royal college of music for piano.. she didnt get it for cello.. we were surprised.. if she didnt get it for cello, then the rest of us can forget it..

i'm starting to doubt everything i thought i felt.. maybe its because i'm super tired now.. i hate it when this happens.. when you dunno what you're really thinking and feeling.. its so damn deceiving and you just dunno what to do next..

something stupid happened.. its so stupid.. but its just a misunderstanding.. and probably one which will never be resolved.. no its not serious.. its sad that it happened.. at least to me.. oh well.. if it happens, it happens.. if it doesn't, it doesn't.. simple, yet difficult to accept.. yea.. some of you might know what i'm talking about..

if i dont reveal certain things to you, its not that i dont treat you as a friend or consider you a helping hand.. its just that sometimes, or most of the time, i cant let you know.. and sometimes the reasons are obvious.. now its not.. if you are reading this, i hope you'll understand..