How?

welll...

was tidying my room and balcony just now... throwing lots of things away, especially my secondary school books.. yes, its not disposed off yet, for now... probably in a few days time... lots of memories came back... the things beanarian and i thought of while in school... the kkk drawings are still here... hahaa... its crappy to even think of it... my archie comics were everywhere... well, i'm taking it easy... little by little...

haiz... and then, the sad part came... well, to me at least... recovered the snyo programme booklets for previous concerts... was looking through all of them... then i looked at the very first concert i played in the main, the one when we played dvorak's no.9... zhangyi and andris were playing their concertos... and i read their resumes... crap... i was lost for words... well, to sum it up, they are geniuses... well, you guys will definitely know by now how i would be feeling... inferior... i'm not jealous or anything, but crap man, how am i songing to be like them? i mean not only saying about these 2, but the rest of the world? ahhhh!!! how how how how how how how??? how in the world am i going to be a good cellist? looking at myself now, its like, like, bleah...... i seriously dont know how my future is going to be... i dont see myself as a good player at all... AT ALL!!!

well, to heck with it... i need some assurance of some sort, anything to gain my confidence back... somehow somewhere someone sometime.... i hate saying this, but i've got inferiority complex... it sucks at the thought of it...