Reflection

I know I wrote this in my facebook, but sometimes I really think I should be doing something else. Why did I decide to pursue music? I've been around music since I was alive. It's probably the only thing I know, or rather have a qualification in. It's not like I can't live without music. I don't love music THAT much. I don't spend 6 hours practicing my instrument. So, logically speaking, since I do not love music that much, I shouldn't be pursuing it as a career right?

I've never been able to compete with peers of my same level. It always seems that I have a reputation to live up to, having a musically-inclined family background. Any career options to do with music will only have to start with a blooming performing/solo debut. Going straight to teaching will seem like a failure and defeat in the face of overwhelming standards that I am not able to live up to. So what's next?

It's not like I can start a teaching career now anyway. I'm not even done with my studies. That is if I can even find a university in the first place. Should I even try to continue this path? Is it worth the sweat, money, time and embarrassment, when results are not even guaranteed, and when there are, they just aren't good enough?

I am, and always will be, just another guy trying to play the cello under the shadow of his family.